A Bend in the Road

Posted on September 30, 2007

In Jack Kerouac’s On the Road, Sal Paradise trundles off to San Francisco with $50 in his pocket and just about nothing else. The trip is doomed from the start. Sal’s caught flat-footed in a rainstorm, then blows much of his scratch on a bus ticket to Chicago. A bizarre ride on a dynamite truck follows, his clothes are jacked by another hitchhiker, all of this leading to the inevitable destination–back home with tail square between his legs, though at least with seminal lessons learned for his future travels.

When I set out from LA on my own trip this summer, it wasn’t with a predisposition to mirror Kerouac’s trek. But in effect, I hit my own shit storm once I arrived in Lake Tahoe; one that left me just as flat-footed, and like Sal Paradise, prematurely haunted and tired of travel. In my first entry, I alluded to a serious medical condition, one that sapped me of my strength and made me question my very future. I didn’t delve into specifics. Sometimes the past is left behind for good reason. But as my trip moved into gear, I began to notice a resurfacing of many of the same symptoms that have plagued my life in recent years. Extreme exhaustion, an inability to concentrate and mood swings teetering toward depression became a daily exercise. A trip to a new doctor confirmed my worst suspicions. The physical and mental toll of my travels had contributed to a medical relapse.

I suffer from something that is little understood but is becoming increasingly common. It’s caused andropause, and the suffixal similarity to menopause isn’t accidental. Have you ever seen an old man cry? Then you’ve seen what happens when a man gets hormonal. Just as women experience a drastic reduction of hormones as they age, men lose power too. The average man loses roughly 10% of his body’s ability to make testosterone every ten years. Often, a seventy-year old man has less than half what he had when he was twenty. But some of us lose our stash even faster. Chemicals in food, free estrogens in the air, and a surfeit of other ills are exacerbating the problem. Estimates suggest that 20 million men could suffer andropause-like symptoms in the United States within the next twenty years. 

With that said, you can probably guess what happened next. As my energy decreased, my ability to do the daily work to build Walkabout Jones dramatically lessened. Stories I wanted to cover while in Lake Tahoe, places I hoped to visit, and people I wanted to interview, slowly were crossed off the list. When my blood work came back in early September, my hormone levels had fallen two-thirds below normal for a man my age. My only treatment is anabolic steroids, and to make matters stickier, in this age of Barry Bonds’ swolen noggin, it’s often difficult to find doctors willing to prescribe testosterone and syringes. My previous doctor wasn’t worried about the dangers of hormone replacement therapy. He was worried about getting sued.

So back I drove to Southern California, grateful for good times in Lake Tahoe, but needful of medical attention administered by those in the know. The good news is that I’m getting my strength back. A loving family, a good doctor and plenty of rest and healthy food have made a difference. I’m hopeful that I’ll eventually be strong enough to take another stab at the road. I’m also trying to figure out funding. With improved health and financing, I’ll be better able to focus on the great writing and pictures this endeavor is predicated upon. I truly believe that there’s room on the Internet for this kind of art project. Not everyone wants to look at boobies all the time.

Regardless, I’m grateful for the chance for this adventure. Thanks to all of the truly awesome people of Reno and Lake Tahoe who made my stay a good one. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, as the old cliche goes, and for the first time in a long time I can see it. Look forward to discovering what’s on the other side.

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