Why Can’t You be More Like TiVo!?
Posted on January 22, 2008
Ah… procrastination. The nectar that plies the mind before Starbucks works its black magic. So while I wait for the alkaloid C8H10N4O2 to squeeze the jumper cables over my noodle, I’ll blog. I was on Myspace the other day, looking through profiles, when I came upon someone writing about TiVo.
“Oh, TiVo, you never let me down,” she wrote, or something to that effect. Which got me to thinking: What if people were more like TiVo? Wouldn’t it be Eden?
Consider some examples:
1. When you ask TiVo to do something, it motherfucking does it. Think of every hostile encounter that might be avoided if people acted the same? Imagine a world where everyone did everything-the-fuck-they-said-they-were-gonna-do? I know, I’m sounding like John Lennon.
2. TiVo is thoughtful. Not only will it record your shows, but it will record other shows that might be of interest to you. You might remember an episode of the King of Queens where Doug’s TiVo starts taping programs with predominantly gay themes? (”My TiVO Thinks I’m Gay!) Doug is so chagrined that he starts taping only war documentaries. Soon, he’s reclassified as a Nazi. ~sigh~ I wish I had friends who spent afternoons pondering whether to send me Hermann Göring videos or season four of The L World.
3. With TiVo, the picture is high definition. Crazy how we make televisions now where the line count is as sharp as the view out our window. When was the last time your life felt so clear?
4. Getting TiVo costs $5.99 per month. Hells ya! For less than two beers, I get an honest, dependable, thoughtful companion who is sensitive to my needs and interested in my wants. A best friend, selflessly giving, who asks nothing but for my financial honesty, and strives in its own way to make my life just a tiny bit better.
I’ve just re-read this. Is it any surprise that I’m single?
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I love this post. It made me laugh out loud. Thanks.
I need TiVo! Very funny, babe and very true. We all need a friend like TiVo in our lives. :p
This is so funny, funny, but true…ok…ok…I’ll give you the dependable, thoughtful, etc. etc. but machines break down. They malfunction and then what do you have…a pile of nuts and bolts or some sort of gizmos…come to think of it people do too or at least they let you down. Machine or not. I’m voting for TIVO.
P.S. Does that sound a little snippy? Yep.