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Posted on February 29, 2008
By Diana Wagman
Ahh, cancer. One learns so much from being diagnosed with a death-sentence disease. Of course, 95 percent of it is stuff you would rather not know, but that other 5 percent is downright interesting. For example, America’s Next Top Model is much more fun to watch when you’ve lost 15 pounds without trying. During chemotherapy, vanilla smells good, but vanilla wafers taste disgusting. And eyelashes really do have a purpose. But the most compelling fact I learned was about my friends. Not just what you would expect: How they cooked for my family and took me to doctors and pretended not to notice how bad I looked and, most important, that I could not – cannot – survive without them. No, what really shocked me was how many of my old, dear, married, parenting, job-holding friends smoke pot. I am not kidding. People I never expected dropped by to deliver joints and buds and private stash. The DEA could have set a security cam over my front door and made some serious dents in the marijuana trade. The poets and musicians were not a surprise, but lawyers? CEOs? Republicans?
OK, I admit it, in college I smoked dope with the rest of them. I mean, everybody was doing it – an excuse I do not allow my children. Plus, I felt my only other option was alcohol, and the sweet drinks I liked were too fattening. But that was a long time ago, and since then I have learned to drink bourbon straight, get high on life and appreciate the advantages of not doing anything you wouldn’t want your kids to do.
I thought all my friends felt the same. Boy, was I wrong. When I surfaced from my chemo haze enough to care about anyone else, I was curious. Why do so many 40- and 50-somethings still get high? I asked my suppliers.
Pain was the No. 1 answer. Not just the psychic angst of being mothers and fathers to teenagers, but real physical pain. We’re all beginning to fall apart, and a couple of tokes really take the edge off the sciatica, rotator cuff injuries, irritable bowel syndrome and migraines. Obviously some of us use drugs to ease the lives of quiet desperation we never thought we would have back when we were getting stoned the first time. Our drug use now is really the same as in college. Then I got high to relax, to gain confidence, to forget I was an overweight, mediocre college student terrified of the future. Now we get stoned to relax, forget our disappointing careers and mask our terror of not just our own future but the future for our kids.
I spoke to my oncologist about the pros and cons of marijuana use for cancer patients. He said he was part of a study 25 years ago on the effects of pot on nausea, joint pain and fatigue caused by chemotherapy. It worked then, he said; it really helped some people. But now they have great new drugs that keep the nausea and other pain at bay. He said the people who use pot now do it because they like it. Or maybe because they would rather support a farm in Humboldt County than a huge pharmaceutical conglomerate.
After chemo No. 1, I was violently ill. Anti-nausea drugs notwithstanding, I was hugging the porcelain throne. I was willing to try anything, so I lit up. It helped. A lot. I collapsed on the couch, I zoned out watching Project Runway, I was able to take deep breaths without puking. My 15-year-old daughter was shocked. The look on her face was proof that her elementary school DARE program had really done its job. A friend – not a supplier or a user – explained to her that it was just to make me feel better and that if it worked, wouldn’t that be great? My daughter reluctantly agreed, but I knew she didn’t mean it. I had come full circle in my life. The next time I had a toke, I stood in my bathroom with the fan on, blowing smoke out the window, but instead of my parents, I was scared my kids would find out I was smoking dope again.
The biggest pain of cancer is the gnawing, scratching, bleeding dread that they didn’t find it all, that you didn’t go to the doctor soon enough, that it is growing out of control at this very moment. My doctor recommended meditation. Yeah, right, I thought, more time sitting quietly trying not to think about dying. But occasionally, only when nothing else would do, I could turn to my friend Mary Jane.
Diana, a professor at Cal State Long Beach, is the author of the novels “Skin Deep,” “Spontaneous” and ” Bump.”
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Dann,
Great web site! Very smart to be doing this. People are stupid not to hire you.
Wow, this is a great story!! I love it!! People do not realize the wonderful things Marijuana does!! I do!! and I enjoy it everyday!!!! I hope I never have to use it for anything this bad but at least I know it will help if I am ever in this position!
Way to go Diana!! Good luck to you, your family and your health!
To Dann: Excellent choice, once again. What a perfect life story to bring to people’s attention the medical qualities that this beautiful plant’s buds and leaves can give a person.
To Diane: My prayers are with you. I hope the cancer stays in remission. I have 3 of my best friends going to chemo themselves and I just want to say, you are an inspiration. An angel of hope, a bright shining light in a dark misguided world. Soon let us hope that people see that it is not a drug, but an herb. It was put here for us to be able to be better physically and emotionally. It is non-addictive. The lies they tell about Mary Jane are just abonimable. I have seen it do more good then harm, and if the benefit is better than the side effects – well then – why are they waiting so long is my question?
History, if given the opportunity, will repeat itself. Religious conservatives past “Prohibition” as the end all law to stop other Americans from alcohol useage. In the end, after street gangs were given the opportunity to become multi-million dollar criminal organizations, those religious factions that pushed for Prohibition, realized their cure was worse than the original problem, and campaigned to have Prohibition rescinded.
What is the so called “War On Drugs”, but in reality, another religious law to dictate to another segment of our Society what they can, and can not do. The fact remains, that all hard drug useage combined does not come close to killing the number of Americans that drink alcoholic beverages and/or smoke. Approximately 100,000 deaths annually compared to the annual combined death total of over 400,000 people, who either drink, smoke, or do both. Why don’t we outlaw all alcoholic drinking and smoking along with the hard drugs? The answer? It will not work any better today, than it did when “Prohibition” was enacted.
Instead of continuing with the same expensive mistake, America should legalize these recreational/medicinal drugs. Tightly control who supplies the raw substances, and who refines the raw substances for use. Enact a series of harsh laws to punish anyone that is not cleared and licensed to do this supply and refining, and marketing. This will stop the billions of dollars now going into the International Drug Cartels and funnel the money into legitimate businessess, provide legitimate financial sources to cover education and treatment, and free up our law enforcement to concentrate on real crimes such as murder, rape, kidnapping, etc.
“Prohibition” did not work, the “War On Drugs” has not worked. When are we going to recognize the same mistake and correct it?