“Egg on his face!”
Posted on January 29, 2008
“Egg on his face!”
“Egg on his face!”
“Someone dropped egg on the President’s face!”
“What an embarrassment!”
“What a disgrace!”
“The President wiping egg off of his face!”
“Stop all the presses! Loop the raw feed!
Get on the wire! We’ve got a new lead!”
The reporters and cameras all fight to keep pace
With the fast breaking news of egg splattered on face.
“This just coming in,” the news anchors exhort.
“To the White House we go for this special report.”
“We’re on the South Lawn,” the reporters exclaim,
“On what moments before was a typical day,
The sun shining bright, the scene festive and gay,
The Marine Band on hand getting ready to play.
It was billed by his staff as a keen photo-op.
The commander en route to the first of three stops:
A factory, school, and then he would fly straight
To a party fundraiser. Ten-thousand a plate.
From the West Wing at 8:42 did he come
Through the Rose Garden on his way to Marine One.
He saluted the troops. To our cameras he waved.
We reporters yelled questions, but no answers he gave.
As the chopper blades whirred, his hand rose to his ear,
To suggest he was no longer able to hear.
And just as the coast was about to be clear
Did a low-flying gaggle of geese then appear,
Hovering over the White House air space,
Did one drop a large egg on the President’s face!”
“This is an outrage! What a disgrace!”
The pundits chime in, catching up to the chase.
They spin around words, work to make their best case
Of what listeners should think of egg splattered on face.
The most vocal critics are quick to exalt
This latest bird flap is the President’s fault!
“Never mind all this talk of fine feathered assault,”
they intone from their glass-circled broadcasting vaults.
“Here is a leader so roundly despised
That even the birds have begun to get wise.
My friends, they have seen through his tricks and his lies!
Might this be a sign of his coming demise?”
Back at the White House, doom and gloom loom
Advisors pour into a hushed Cabinet Room.
The thought of it makes them all queasy and sick.
How has this scandal gain traction so quick?
One thing’s for sure, if they don’t find their kick,
If they don’t react fast, then this scandal might stick!
The President sighs, “Can’t we make a firm case
That nothing is wrong with egg dropped on face!”
“But sir,” his most trusted advisors forewarn,
“Doing that could turn into one big, ugly thorn.
Your staff must both kindly and humbly advise
You deny any egg hit your head from the sky.”
Word soon filters out to a hungry press corps
That there’ll soon be a statement about the downpour.
“The President wishes to settle this score
And put everything back as it once was before.”
“What might he say?” the news anchors wonder.
“Can he survive this latest of blunders?”
Long columns of experts condemn and extol
While long rows of reporters do on-the-street polls.
“Back to the White House,” the newscasts proclaim,
“For our next scheduled act of Cracked Egg in Beltway!
Will the President choose to cut straight to the chase?
And explain to the world about egg dropped on face?”
“Thank you, for coming,” a spokesman begins.
“I’ll make a brief statement, then answers questions.
Though rumors are rampant all over the place,
The truth is no egg struck the President’s face.”
He talks over gasps and a chorus of sighs,
Over fast popping flashbulbs and wry looking eyes.
“Our opponents can cry till they’re blue in the face
But the truth is, we speak from a technical base.
Marine One’s airfoil had to be replaced.
Some grease off of that struck the President’s face.”
“Oh c’mon, up there!” a journalist bellows.
“That goo on his mug was a bright colored yellow!”
“We will not respond to such baseless attacks
From hacks who refuse to look square at the facts.
This is not an occurrence of low-flying geese.
The true culprit here is: Grease, grease, grease!”
“Grease, grease, grease!” roar the President’s allies.
On blogs and talk shows come their furious outcries.
“The gall of some people to lie and debase
And mislead good Americans about egg on face!”
“Outrageous!” the President’s critics respond.
“They caught it on tape. Egg on face! We’ve been conned!
We don’t give a rip what his smooth talkers say.
There’s egg on his face and somebody must pay!”
“The White House must pay!” his opponents proclaim.
The newspapers rush to clear acres of space
For their front page reports of glop splattered on face.
“But what of my story on government waste?”
A reporter bemoans when her story’s replaced.
“And what about mine on employment and race?”
Their editors brace, “You both make a fair case.
It was never our goal to usurp or displace.
But this is our business! To stick with the chase!
And the big news today is egg splattered on face.”
Hours stretch into days, it’s all over the news.
The White House is spun on its heels and confused.
“Should someone resign? Take the heat? Just in case?
It really was egg on the President’s face?”
A sea of advisors flock to his abode
As the White House digs into its “hunker down” mode.
The press call for answers, their questions hell-bent,
Though their efforts are met with a flat, “No comment.”
News stalls like a clunker. Days swell into weeks.
Until somebody in the know finally speaks.
“A leak! A leak! An unconfirmed leak!
That maybe some egg grazed the President’s cheek!”
“Can you believe it? These crooks and these sneaks!”
His critics declare, sharpening up their critiques.
“Article Two has been forcibly breached!
Let’s draw up the papers! It’s time to impeach!”
“Graze! Graze! Graze!” his followers say.
“Impeach! Impeach!” his challengers bray.
On twenty-four hour news cycles each day
Until twenty four times, everyone gets their say.
In circles it goes for ages and ever.
Through day and through night
And through all kinds of weather.
Up north and down south
Across east and past west,
It orbits the globe with an infinite zest.
Critics campaigning, the President hiding,
The nation itself furiously dividing.
Until one surprise morning, a new egg goes plop
And as fast as it started, the whole thing gets dropped.
By Dann Halem
| Filed Under (parenthetically), Washington Jones | 2 Comments
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I like the meter of this poem and frenetic energy of this poem. I also like the illustrative pictures, especially that of the monkeys labeled with network names, that accompany the piece. Keep it up, Dann!
Given the tenor of this campaign and the often ludicrous spin we have heard, this political “poem” is not far off target unfortunately. Great job. Great pix. And I agree…love the monkeys…or are they chimps?